The following definition of the word recovery was taken from dictionary.com and reads: “The regaining of or the possibility of regaining something lost or taken away.” That definition for the “normal” folks that inhabit this world could mean something as simple as a lost item of clothing. Or, perhaps, a stolen car that has been recovered by law enforcement. It could be the time it takes to heal from a recent surgery or mishap.
While these are still important to acknowledge, that is not the type of recovery I want to talk about. I am speaking of regaining your life when you have made the decision to discard it by using drugs and alcohol.
I recently had the privilege of attending a meeting where a dear friend of mine picked up an 18-year sobriety chip. For those of you unfamiliar, this celebration is to recognize 18 years clean and sober. Regaining something lost and taken away. One day at a time, one year at a time. The pride, along with the tears, were apparent in the eyes of his daughter who was in attendance. This man’s story is not unique or special in the rooms of recovery. His children wanted nothing to do with him, he had thrown it all to the wind. The belief that enough drugs and alcohol will make it all better no longer sustains us. We surrender, admit defeat and walk into a meeting.
Recovery, in the beginning, is for the addict and alcoholic. The priority is only staying clean and sober for one day. As time goes on, if you are being true to your program, amends are made and behavior changes drastically. Family members sit up and take notice. There is a semblance of a human under the newly sober. Humble and contrite, rebuilding everything from the ground up. We no longer lie out of habit. Somehow, the truth isn’t as painful to express to those we love. Are we the only ones learning from this way of life? If we change, does it not follow that those closest to us must change also? They will change, even if they don’t know it.
My friend’s daughter wanted us all to know that she has built her own toolbox from her father’s program supplies. The desire to teach those around her to be honest, open and willing is collateral beauty. The love she feels for her father is evident. The hatred she felt before he got clean and sober has been replaced. She in turn has learned from his program. The life-changing benefits of recovery are far-reaching. Recovery makes people better. Kindness replaces judgment. Patience replaces irritation. Love replaces hate. There can be no other outcome when we all learn from being in recovery. It becomes impossible to hate someone when you have empathy for them.
If you find love, patience and kindness have been replaced or taken away, seek out someone in recovery. We will teach you how to regain the most basic and crucial traits humans can offer one another. It bears repeating, sober people are some of the best people I know. We have had the benefit of living two lives. The drunk life and the sober life. We have dual perspectives. We have been to hell and back. We lived to tell about it. I would not wish addiction on my worst enemy. However, if what I have learned could be taught without living through that, the world and our community would be better off.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if people took us at our word when we lay out the perils of drugs and alcohol? But that is not human nature. They all must try and fail. Those of us in recovery must be the example of how to regain and replace all that is lost to addiction. Society will reap the benefits.
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